How Women Make Men Better

The incredible motivation women can give men.

Photo by Ahmet Sali on Unsplash

“Behind every successful man, there is a woman."

This quote gets thrown around so casually without any proper context. Does this refer to the man’s mother, who had brought this man up in a way which prepared him for success? Or is it talking about the man’s girlfriend/spouse, who always supported his ambitions, despite the hardships and obstacles?

I’ll try to interpret this saying in my own words, with some examples from fiction and real life. Although there is a science behind all this, I will try to explain in a layman’s terms.

In one of Guy de Maupassant’s short stories, a group of soldiers are marching with a low spirit. They are all fatigued and hungry, when suddenly, a man shows up with his daughter and need help. Him and his daughter have been running away from the town due to the war, and his daughter is now tired and can’t keep on going anymore. The captain asks the soldiers to help carry the maid to their destination, and they all spring to help with alacrity. They start collecting twigs and branches to make a litter, and once the lady is placed upon it, they carry the litter. A little while later, with a beautiful woman among them, every soldier forgets his hunger and tiredness, and they find strength to keep going.

Men find an inner strength they didn’t know they had when they are in the presence of a woman they are attracted to, especially if that woman needs him to do something for her. The power that the opposite sex has over humans is unbelievable. The examples are present in reality and also fiction: The Taj Mahal was built for a woman.

In the 12th century Mongolia, a group of men kidnapped the wife of a man from a rival tribe. The husband of that woman, who was even afraid of dogs, mustered some courage to gather some men around him to fight the abductors and to get his wife back. He not only succeeded in getting her back from the kidnappers, he found the will to bring many more men under his banner from then on. A few year later, he created the biggest empire in history. That man was Chingis Khan (Genghis Khan).

Wasn’t the Trojan War started because of a woman? The Trojan prince, Paris, kidnapped Helen and then her husband gathered the Greeks to invade Troy and get her back.

Photo by Hert Niks on Unsplash

Or could we have had the fantastic story of A Song Of Ice And Fire if Robert Baratheon didn’t wage war against a powerful king just because the prince had stolen his future wife?

Let me use another real-life story regarding this. One of my friend was really shy and lacked self esteem. His name was Haider. Haider was the type of guy who would have rather stayed home and watched movies or played video games instead of going out with friends. Whenever we invited him to crowded places(parties, restaurants, etc.,) he rejected the offer. He was also skinny, and too self-conscious of his image. He never wore T-shirts because it would have exposed his thin arms. The reason he didn’t hit the gym was also because of his extreme social anxiety. One time we managed to get him to go to a restaurant with us. I still remember his red face when the waitress (who was cute by the way) came to take our orders. Haider stammered his order, and made the whole situation awkward. He also was a bit of a nerd who liked games, computers, and Playstions. He knew all about the latest phones and technology which got released every year. Haider had a dream of opening an electronics store where he could sell those items I mentioned, and he had the money to do so, since his father was in the real estate business and was pretty well-off. But his father wanted him to continue his education and get a "real job." (Haider’s elder cousin had become a dermatologist, and his father wanted him to follow a similar path, but life had other plans for him.)

Photo by The HK Photo Company on Unsplash

One summer, he met a girl named Saima while he was in a book fair outside the town. They started dating, and everything changed for him from then onwards. He went to the gym regularly and started gaining muscles; he walked and talked with more confidence, and most importantly, he dropped out of college and opened an electronics store. At first I was confused at how he had done it, since his father was loud and bad-tempered while Haider was wimpy, and hated confrontations. He must have argued a lot with his father to have gotten the permission to drop out of college. When I heard the story from his own lips, I was even more impressed. Turns out, he had been to another city to work in his friend’s electronics store for some months to get some experience running a store and finding out how and where he could get the wares for his own store. This kid had barely left the town before that, but he somehow managed to live away from home for months. Anyways, he opened a store himself, and then got engaged to Saima.

His transformation was impressive. I had an inkling of how he had managed to change so drastically, but still, I wanted to hear how and why he did, from himself. At first he was hesitant to share anything, but then he relented. This is what he said:

I don’t know exactly how I decided to change, but I felt unstoppable after meeting Saima. I knew that nothing or no one could hurt me, and I did whatever I could to appeal more to her. I suddenly took more risks, and did everything to make our relationship even stronger.

I haven’t been in contact with Haider for a while, but the last time I saw him, he was dancing in front of a crowd at one of our friends' weddings. That’s amazing, considering how he used to blush when ordering food at a restaurant.

But there is also another side to such stories. People also tend to become demotivated and lazy around the wrong partners. I have seen hard working men go off the rails just because their significant others are emotionally and physically unavailable. Nonetheless, harnessing the strength we get from the opposite sex can literally take us places.



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A writer, classical music junkie, and a hermit. I like to write about writing and psychology. If you have a freelance gig for me, email me at faradali520@gmail